What I’m learning from dealing with a bully (as a lifelong people-pleaser)

I used to believe love could heal almost anything — that goodness and kindness would eventually win people over. I still believe in the power of compassion, but not the way I used to.

I’m learning that love and generosity must be given mindfully and at the right times. Constantly giving can hurt you, and it doesn’t always help the person you’re trying to help.

Being nice, nurturing, or overly accommodating is not an effective way to handle a bully. Here’s why:

• Their appetite for being catered to is insatiable. No matter how much you give, it won’t satisfy them. They often operate in a win/lose mindset and only feel okay when they’re “winning,” regardless of the cost.
• Your nurturing rarely reaches them. Because they don’t genuinely trust you, your care doesn’t create lasting change. Your efforts end up feeling wasted — they’re not healed, and you’ve lost time and energy.
• Kindness can be disrespected. When you constantly give without boundaries, you deplete yourself while they keep taking. Eventually, you feel drained, resentful, and powerless.

If you’re a people-pleaser, being nice alone won’t stop someone from behaving badly. The healthiest response I’ve found is to disconnect when necessary: protect your energy, focus on your life, and invest in people who truly deserve and reciprocate your care.

Doing that lets you be your best self. It preserves your capacity to love and support those whose well-being actually benefits from your effort.

If you’d like my support around dealing with bullies in your life, you can contact me: coach.nancysy@gmail.com

This post has been about learning how to disempower the effects of bullies in our lives.

I am here to help!

Other posts that you may like:

• Why you should chase your pain
• Turning worry into Progress